DRAG QUEENS
by Queen2
Summary: Harry and Draco are on the run. This calls for some serious disguises, cue dresses and skirts a go-go! Dosn't help that Voldemort and Lucius are hot on their tails! R&R! PLZ!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Babe, if I owned this I wouldn't be writing it here would I? Enough said.  
  
A/N: This will be quirky and hopefully light hearted and interesting. There may be some language and stuff (stuff being naughty stuff) but you know, you've seen it all before. Then again there may not be and it may be all sunshine and flowers. Am not entirely sure, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Oh and also when people are thinking stuff in their heads that is part of the dialogue, this will be signified by this " ~ " simply cuz.  
  
No onward my pretties onward!  
  
DRAG QUEENS  
  
By Queen.  
  
"I cannot believe we are on the run," panted Harry as he ran hurriedly after the figure of Draco Malfoy.  
  
"Well, what do you expect after I bust you out of our only dungeon, not being to careful of the architecture I might add, renounce Voldemort and his evil ways and tell my dad to go shag himself basically" gasped back a thoroughly puffed Draco.  
  
"Well, there's no one answer to that."said Harry carefully. Words were getting hard now between the puffing and the panting "But he's your father, it can't just be, y'know, 'that' . can it?" Harry finished.  
  
That Malfoy's had always seemed such a happy family to him.  
  
"Well, that and I told him I was gay" Draco mused, slowing to a brisk walk now.  
  
"Ya waaa?!?!?!?" exclaimed a startled Harry trotting quickly to keep up with the brisk walk of Draco.  
  
"Oh relax, I don't find you at all attractive" assured Draco.  
  
"Well, uh, of course not" said Harry dismissively  
  
~Why not?~ a voice in his head asked.  
  
~Why not what?~  
  
~He doesn't find me attractive? Wait, Draco Malfoy is gay!~  
  
~Yeah, weren't you listening?~  
  
~The guy all the girls want and all the guys want to be is.gay!~  
  
~What gave it away?~  
  
~.~  
  
~Was it the flamboyant hairstyle? The lean toned body? The black fishnet tank top? Oh please tell me it was the black fishnet tank top! ~  
  
"Oh shut up!"  
  
"Huh?" Draco looked up.  
  
"Huh? Oh, uh, pep talk, y'no, 'Oh shut up.and run like hell.from the baaa- ad guys'" chanted Harry striking a cheerleader pose at the end of his little routine.  
  
Draco just looked at him as if he had just taken of all his clothes and started to dance the mambo with Mariah Carey.  
  
I'm not happy Lucius, I'm very not happy".  
  
Lucius looked up and stared at Voldemort. What the hell?!?!?! He wasn't happy?! He! Him! Did he think Lucius was having a whale of a time or something?! Oh yes Dark Lord this is just the best fun iv had since Medusa went global! And now if you'd just gouge out my eyes and make me give you a lap dance that would just be peachy!  
  
Sighing he said, " We're working on tracking down the duo My Lord, I assure you".  
  
"Ah yes, your son is with the fugitive isn't he?  
  
Thank.You.Dark.Lord fumed Lucius. Like having my only son tell me he's gay isn't bad enough, he then has to go and renounce all evil!  
  
"Yes, Sir he is" Lucius replied dully.  
  
At that moment a small sob came from the corner of the room. Sighing and rolling their eyes simultaneously both men turned to look at the distraught Narcissa.  
  
"Oh Lucius! He's GAY!" she cried.  
  
Breathe Lucius, Breathe.  
  
"Yes, dear, for the hundredth time, he is indeed gay".  
  
A glass-shattering wail erupted from the horrified Narcissa. Both men winced and clamped their hands over their ears.  
  
"Is it because I didn't love him enough?" she asked desperately "I mean I didn't want to smother him! Is it his way of crying out for attention?"  
  
Moaning Lucius sat down motioning for Voldemort to follow suit. These things could (and did) go on forever. It happened whenever Narcissa had a guilt trip about her parenting skills to her only son.  
  
"I should have seen it! I mean, if a boy can't confide in his own mother who can he confide in?"  
  
Here she paused for breath and then launched into how buying your son teddy bear pyjamas and condoms was just never the way to go.  
  
Again both men sighed rolled their eyes and waited for her to finish.  
  
"So, were like, on the run now?" asked Harry.  
  
"Yeah, we'll be hunted like animals I expect," mused Draco, a concept he didn't seem overly worried about. Harry stared at him as they trotted along to the nearest town.  
  
"An- animals?" he stuttered. The thought did not appeal to him.  
  
"Yeah, we'll have to get disguises. they'll be looking for us, they'll know are faces" informed Draco knowledgably.  
  
"Oh! Like pirates!" cried Harry excitedly.  
  
"Um, no, something more low key I think"  
  
They were now in the town, a small little homely place that seemed relatively empty. They wondered around the streets in the velvet darkness that marked 11:30 pm.  
  
"Hey! I think I found us our disguises!" cried Draco running over to a shop.  
  
Intrigued Harry followed peering up at the name.  
  
"BIG JOES COSTUMES" read the red and blue lettering. In the window 3 manikins stood dressed in various skirts and dresses with feather boas draped around them.  
  
"Harry, were gonna be Drag Queens!" crowed Draco delightedly. Harry stood staring at the glittering red and blue dresses that stood in the window. 


	2. Boys being boys

Disclaimer: You all know the drill!  
  
A/N: Ok, iv been having a little trouble with punctuation, like doing the "dot dot dot" thing, and Italics and Bold and such like. Could anyone through some light on this for me? Until I figure out how to do that ill be using (pause) so signify "dot dot dot" ok? Other then that I hope you are all enjoying this (if you do be a reading it!) Oh, I also noticed that this has been put on the "G" certificate, I meant it to be "PG-13", no particular reason, just to be safe. Cheers!  
  
Boys being Boys. by Queen.  
  
"You have GOT to be kidding me," cried Harry as he peered through the dusty window at the sequined skirts and feather boas.  
  
"Not at all, I think it's a brilliant idea - damn better then bloody pirates," snorted Draco.  
  
Incredulous Harry looked at him "Hey, dude, at least MY idea didn't involve us dressing up as GIRLS!"  
  
Draco looked back at him a perfect eyebrow quirked.  
  
"What? You don't want to dress up as a girl?  
  
"Well, uh, let me see, NO!" cried a exasperate Harry "what self respecting guy does?"  
  
"What, your telling me there's something wrong with dressing up as a girl or something?" asked Draco coldly.  
  
"Yeah am telling you!" exclaimed Harry.  
  
"Are you yelling at me?" asked draco looking incredulous.  
  
"Dear God, no!" assured Harry backing up instantly his hands raised in the act of submission.  
  
"Good, now c'mon I need to unload"  
  
Harry's jaw dropped. He * What *?!  
  
"You what?" he choked.  
  
"I need to have a release (pause) its been soooo long! I feel all pent up!" groaned Draco raising his arms over his head and stretching luxuriously.  
  
"Wha?" Harry asked, he was NOT saying what Harry thought he was saying was he?!  
  
"I just need to (pause) come!" purred Draco rubbing against a severely startled Harry as he "stretched".  
  
"Hey! Whoa! Lets keep our hands to ourselves shall we? Jumped Harry like a startled earwig.  
  
"Why do that babe, I just want to be a good old fashioned lover boy" smirked Draco leaning into Harry rubbing his slim body against Harry's licking his lower lip.  
  
Oh Blimey O'reillys trousers! He has sex appeal and he knows it! Screamed Harry's mind.  
  
"Gah! No!" yelped Harry as he felt a particular part of Draco's body nudge against his own.  
  
"Am just screwing with man!" laughed Draco suddenly pulling off him and smirking "got ya going though didn't I?"  
  
"Understatement of the century, I was about to start screaming 'rape!' choked a now very edgy Harry.  
  
Draco just grinned and taking Harry's arm, choosing to ignore the jump that he gave when Draco touched him, steered him towards a brightly lit shop at the end of the road.  
  
"Don't pretend you didn't enjoy it, was it as good for you as it was for me?" Draco whispered into Harry's ear then broke away laughing. It was, Harry saw, impossible to tell if he was being genuine or simply taking the piss out of you.  
  
"Now, c'mon, this place wont be open till morning and I want some coffee, that place looked as good as any" he said motioning to the brightly lit place and set off dragging a still somewhat appalled Harry after him.  
  
What have I got myself into? Moaned Harry to himself.  
  
------------------------  
  
"Or did I mother him to much! Maybe it's my fault he's-he's -he's GAY!" wailed Narcissa into a tears stained lace hanky that Voldemort had kindly produced.  
  
Two hours thirty minutes and 15 seconds later she was still going strong.  
  
Lucius sat stiffly on a narrow stool, Voldemort and Narcissa having taken up the red velvet love seat and the lounging couch. This he though, this is just bloody perfect.  
  
"Nar, please, calm down for a minute" he pleaded beseechingly. She looked up at him glowering.  
  
"You, this could be as much your fault as much as mine! You could have funny sperm or something!" she accused.  
  
A second even pleaded Lucius silently in his head.  
  
"Nar, please, now is not that time" he said trying to remain calm cool and collected. The perfect image of an Evil Dark Wizard. Unfortunally at that point Narcissa choose that time to point an indignant finger at poor Lucius and shout, " I should have known that rash wasn't normal! No wonder you couldn't get it up!"  
  
Oh sweet mother of good sweet baby Jesus groaned Lucius in despair.  
  
"You, I bet he got it off you in fact!" she wailed throwing herself dramatically onto the love seat crying bitterly.  
  
"Narcissa, I am not gay," said Lucius firmly with whatever dignity he had left. Which it has to be said, wasn't a lot.  
  
"So what was that with that Zabini man?" she wailed, he voice muffled by that cushions "you made our son gay Lucius!"  
  
"Narcissa please!" he cried, then quietly, "The Dark Lord".  
  
"Oh no Lucius, am enjoying this tremendously," purred Voldermort from his perch on the couch.  
  
Cheers mate.  
  
"Really though Sir, I think we should see what we can do about tracking them down" urged Lucius.  
  
"Of course, Lucius, I think you should look into it" smiled Voldemort  
  
"Well, of course I should" nodded Lucius.  
  
A long pause stretched across she room, randomly broken by Narcissa's furious sobs.  
  
"Weeeell, what are we waiting for?" inquired Voldemort.  
  
"Uh, aren't you coming?" asked Lucius.  
  
"Awww, why? Does little Lucius need me to hold his hand?" laughed Voldemort.  
  
Nice one, Dark Lord, thought Lucius, real nice. Behind him Narcissa joined in the laughter, and there they were laughing, like to laughing things. Honestly.  
  
Rolling his eyes not for the first time, and he was so sure not for the last Lucius stalked out of the room and down to the "Evil" room to track his delinquent son and his boy toy down.  
  
----------------------------------------------------  
  
Sitting at a comfy little booth Harry watched Draco sip his coffee with the air of someone who's been there, seen it all and bought the T-shirt Company. Of coffee beans that is. Honestly, you'd think the dude was a coffee tester the way he was going on. Ti Kwan Yin Oolong coffee from the "Fujian Province" blended with cream and sugar and milk my ass scoffed Harry as he drank his hot chocolate.  
  
"So, your dad would really off you?" asked Harry.  
  
"Well, I dunno, he'd probably just curse me, you know, the usual" replied Draco motioning for the waitress to come over.  
  
"Oh, uh, yeah" nodded Harry, Curses? What curses?  
  
"Hey, "Angela", can we get some hot scones over here, with the jam and the cream and some of those really nice biscuits you have, and that Fruit pie looks good, can we have a slice or two of that, you have croissants? Oh good, bring a basket of those too please" Draco ordered with a very confused Harry looking on.  
  
"Uh, Draco, where's the famine?" he asked.  
  
"Huh? No famine am just peckish".  
  
"Wow, what do you eat when you hungry?"  
  
"Pretty much the same, just two times it"  
  
"Yuh huh" nodded Harry dumbly. Wow he thought, Draco Malfoy is a pig! Cool!  
  
"So, we can't use magic then I guess" mused Harry.  
  
"Yeah, my dad would have us in a second, it's a thing he has, can track magic, pretty cool really" replied Draco.  
  
"I think we should make are way to Hermione's and Ron's" said Harry "I mean there cool, they'd help us".  
  
"Hey, why can't we go to my friends for help?" asked Draco looking offended.  
  
"Cuz my friends wouldn't kill us and eat our brains" Harry replied.  
  
"Good point".  
  
A/N: Heya! Hope you all enjoy the next bit! More's a coming! Reviews! Loves 'em! Love you all too! 


	3. Dressing up

Disclaimer: Yup, I think we all know how this goes. Yup yup yup!  
  
A/N: I'm trilled! Absolutely thrilled to have gotten 5 reviews so far!!! Thank you all for making it possible! Thank you! (bows) Oh, I have still not received any info on how to do "dot dot dot" italic, bold, etc etc, when I do them using the buttons on Microsoft word, they just don't come out on the fanfiction page. So I will be using the good old fashioned "(pause)" to do the "dot dot dots" and try to not use the rest. Any help on this matter will be appreciated though! Now, onward beasts onward!  
  
-------------------  
  
Dressing up by Queen.  
  
Seven cups of coffee, a quick trip to a "Bed and breakfast" another one to a bank where they found they could cash in wizard gold for quite a sum of money, and another 4 cups of coffee later it was 9am and the boys were ready for action. Although if you were buzzing like Draco you would have been ready to climb Everest.  
  
"Come on Harry Potter!" he yelled, grabbing a startled Harry by his arm and tearing off in the direction of the costume shop.  
  
"Eh, yeah am coming Malfoy, calm down" pleaded Harry as the blonde made a beeline for the door. And wasn't slowing down. He was going to run them right into the door!  
  
"Draco!" shouted Harry pulling back hard. Useless. Damn lack up upper body strength.  
  
As he, Draco and their breakfasts were about to collide with the door it suddenly swung open revealing a stout man looking at them in vague surprise.  
  
To bad Draco was still running head long into him.  
  
Harry felt the soft pudginess of the mans upper body before he felt the "thunk" of his crotch slamming into Dracos head. Who for reasons best known to himself had fallen to his knees as he slammed into the startled man.  
  
"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" gasped Harry in embarrassment jumping backwards "Malfoy!"  
  
Draco stood on his knees his head buried in the mans crotch laughing (muffled, but laughing nonetheless) like a hyena.  
  
"Malfoy, get up!" cried Harry now quite willing to let the ground swallow him up and take him to wherever the hell it wanted, death seemed nice right about now.  
  
Still giggling stupidly Draco was dragged to his feet by a exasperate Harry and stood sniggering at the man.  
  
"I'm so very sorry Sir – he's, ah, a bit mad" moaned Harry. Way ta go champ, make things rosier by making him think he's just been accosted by some mental tossers!  
  
"Oh, no problem, I usually have to do something to get charming young lads to through themselves at my feet" laughed the man, beckoning them inside.  
  
At this Draco erupted into fresh peels of laughter while Harry looked at him dubiously. Uh huh, so it's a regular occurrence then is it. Brilliant. Were buying from a pimp.  
  
"So, what can I do for you little masters?" the man asked, "Joes the name, Big Joe" he added extending his hand.  
  
Draco grabbed it shaking it vigorously. "My names Draco sir! I want to buy some girls clothes!" he sang loudly and again erupted into peels of laughter.  
  
"Um, yes, we would indeed like to buy some (painful pause) girls clothes," said Harry.  
  
"Well, look around lads then, ill be over here by the cash desk, ask me if there's anything you need" he said smiling while trying to detach the frantic Draco from his hand.  
  
"Come on Malfoy, lets go shop" muttered Harry dragging the hyped up Draco after him.  
  
"Honestly, are you always like this when you drink som-a lot of coffee?" asked Harry as he parked them in front of a rack of clothing to inspect what there was.  
  
Laughter "No, my parents don't let me drink the stuff, makes me abit (pause) mad apparently" more laughter " I love it though, so I drink as much as I can get when there not here" sniggered Draco toying with a pink feather boa.  
  
"Oh, brilliant".  
  
Malfoy Mannor. "Evil" Room. 9:15 am.  
  
Lucius peered into the green gloopy mess that was meant to be at this moment tracking his bloody son and that potter one down. Honestly.  
  
"Any luck Lucius?" asked a voice form behind him.  
  
Jumping Lucius looked around and saw The Dark Lord and his bloody wife standing in the doorway.  
  
"What are you doing here?! I – I mean its going ok Sir" Lucius replied. Damn them, probably came down to laugh at him.  
  
"Uh, were here to laug- I mean see how you're doing," replied Voldemort smiling.  
  
Ha! Thought Lucius to himself, pouncy tosser.  
  
Phew! Thought Voldemort to himself, close save.  
  
Narcissa holding the lace hanky sniffed in the corner looking disgruntled at Lucius. Oh if looks could kill he thought.  
  
At that moment the cauldron in front of him popped and the green gloop began to overflow.  
  
"Ah, now we'll see where they've got to" he grinned leaning over it.  
  
"Uh huh" chorused Narcissa and Voldemort exchanging doubtful looks.  
  
"Tener he falls in" hissed Narcissa.  
  
Lucius peered into the green liquid and stared at the scene materializing in front of him.  
  
Draco ran down a street dragging a, it would seem, a very disgruntled Harry Potter with him into a shop with something to do with "costumes" written on the front. There appeared to be some collision at he door then they disappeared. Damn thought Lucius, the stupid tosser had gone and drank his weight in coffee, again. The scene expanded and the name of the town was shown on a sign, it was called "Gateway moors". Cute thought Lucius.  
  
"Well, what news of the fugitives?" asked Voldemort as Lucius straightened up.  
  
"There in a town called Gateway Moors" said Lucius and looking at Narcissa said seriously "and he's has coffee".  
  
Both men winced again and clamped their hands over their ears as a tooth splitting wail of Narcissa went up and filled the "Evil" room.  
  
Bollocks thought Lucius.  
  
In the costume shop Harry dubiously shifted through the various outfits that to him looked "feminine".  
  
He went to the dressing rooms holding two pairs of denim jeans that looked like 70s style that had never made it, a shirt of some sort that said "Go- Girl!" on it and a long black coat with pink fur around the collar. Draco had whizzed around the shop and had been trying on stuff now for the last half hour or so.  
  
Harry struggled into the tight denim jeans with the spangles at the end and the belt that had ribbons of various colours running through it. Damn fifties style he muttered. Over this he shimmied into a black t-shirt thing (spangled too) with the "Go-Girl" written on it in pink letters and over this he through on the long black coat thing.  
  
He looked in the mirror and nearly fell over in shock. Good god! He looked like a incredibly gay fifties Goth.  
  
Behind him Draco came out of the changing room and turned to look at him.  
  
"Oh my god! Potter! What are you wearing?!" he cried laughing hysterically.  
  
Glaring Harry turned to face Draco ready to insult his ensemble. And stopped. Oh good god he thought.  
  
Draco stood before him, tight leather black trousers encased his long slim legs, on his feet red sandals gave him that little extra height, a red boob tube made of some lycra material with little sequins wrapped around his torso and with the help of Big Joe had been shown the oh so nifty trick of using tape and two small things that looked like tiny balloons to convey the illusion of cleavage, on his wrists he sported various bracelets and black choker went around his lovely slim neck. As Harry watch he fixed a blonde wig, close to the same shade as normal colour. The wig gave him a definite feminine look; it was long and straight soft tendrils falling into his eyes. With a delighted laugh his blew them away and pranced up to the mirror, spun and whirled back to the dressing room to try on the next outfit.  
  
Harry stared dumbfounded. Wow, this he had not been expecting. Draco looked . . . really . . . girl-like. It was quite scary. No, not quite scary. Freaking terrifying.  
  
"Harry! What are you wearing you spa?" asked Draco incredulously as emerged from the dressing having run out of clothes to try on, he took in Harry's ensemble "you look ridiculous!"  
  
Miffed Harry raised himself to his full height and regarded Draco "Hey, at least I don't look like a bloody prostitute!"  
  
"Hey, at least am not looking like an incredibly gay fifties Goth!" spat Draco.  
  
Damn thought Harry.  
  
Laughing Draco set about going through the shop again in search for the perfect outfit.  
  
Harry watched dumbfounded as Draco whirled through the shop picking things of the rails left and right and centre. Like a kid in a sweet shop thought Harry. It was quite scary. As he had previously mentioned.  
  
Draco through an exasperate glance at Harry as he returned to the dressing tooms with yet another pile of garments under his arm. Some thought Harry looked incredibly dodgy.  
  
"C'mon Potter, you look like a reject from the 70's, and you still don't look feminine enough!" he scolded and disappeared once again into the changing room. The blondey wig he had donned flicking neatly over his shoulder. Harry stared mutinously at the curtain, he had seen Draco's get up and there was no way I hell he was going to discover his feminine side that much!  
  
"Malfoy, this is so stupid! Your dads gonna find us anyway!" cried Harry. This was getting ridiculous.  
  
"Hey! Don't you ever say that!" snapped Draco from inside his little changing room "if he catches us, were a hell of a lot more then dead you hear!"  
  
Yeah whatever muttered Harry.  
  
At that moment Draco spun out of the changing room wearing what looked like a bunchy black skirt and a netty string top of some sort. Very vampire queen.  
  
"Whatcha think stud muffin?" he asked grinning at Harry.  
  
"I can quite honestly say am terrified" answered Harry "and, small problem" he added indicating to Dracos long slim legs.  
  
Draco looked down. "Oh shit!"  
  
Big Joe looked up from the cash desk and saw his two latest buyers heading towards him. One looked highly amused the other deeply miffed.  
  
"Hey Mister, do you sell shaving cream?" asked the blonde miffed one.  
  
Lucius Malfoy sat scrunched in the backseat of Ihis/I he couldn't stress that enough, His magicically powered sleek black Bentley. In the front on the two plush black leather seat sat Narcissa and The Dark Lord. The Dark Lord at the wheel. Narcissa chatting amiably beside him. He, Lucius sat in the backseat crunched between a giant cauldron, two boxes full of some kind of potion for some spell of another and three brooms. On his other side a giant cage took up the seat along with something that looked like a device for catching stray dogs, a bottle of mace and several pairs of handcuffs. ] Exactly how Voldermort planned on catching his son and that other boy Lucius wasn't sure, but it looked highly dodgy. And part of it was currently sticking up his rectum.  
  
"You know, we have wands uh . . . Dark Lord" interjected Lucius from his spot in the back.  
  
"Yes, but the duo in question have if memory serves correctly, fled to the muggle world. Magic must be used to a minimum unless we wish to risk capture or worse alerting that bloody Ministry to our presence, and we don't want that, do we Lucius?" replied Voldermort.  
  
Blushing and shifting around on his ass Lucius shook his head in the negative. God damn you Draco, he though, look what you've gone and done you stupid pouncy gay . . . puff. Just lie back now and try to relax the little voice in his head said soothingly. As he head had just found the only section of seat that wasn't cluttered with mess and his eyes closed in a stolen moment of peace the radio suddenly switched on.  
  
Bolting upright Lucius stared into the front where Narcissa sat moshing to some muggle band called Sum41 and Voldemort banging his head along time.  
  
"What?" he managed.  
  
"Oh shut up Lu" laughed Narcissa and promptly turned the radio up and went on moshing.  
  
So here we are thought Lucius as the car speed along the country roads. Crushed into the back with enough equipment to blow up fort Knox and those two sitting in the front moshing. Fan-bloody-tastic.  
  
"I can't believe am shaving my legs, I can't believe am shaving my legs, I can't believe am shaving my legs" whimpered Harry as he stood over a outdoors bath tub in the cold. His boxers hiked up to his armpits and his right leg covered in fluffy white shaving cream. In his left hand he dubiously held a little razor.  
  
"Oh shut up Potter, it easy and better if you do it fast" sniggered Draco from behind him where he stood dressed in some kind of chain mail skirt and a black see-through gown thing with fur along the neck-line. Underneath that he wore a black corset. Around his waist he had tied a gold plated belt number, which had come from The Cleopatra line. His legs were completely hair free.  
  
After Draco has been dealt out the razor and cream he had taken to it like a fish to water. And within 10 minutes was prancing around in a skirt showi8ng off his new legs. It was then he declared Harry's turn. He'd tried to fight it, honest to god he had but Draco Malfoy was not to be turned from an idea. Now he stood over the gritty little bath with the razor clutched in his hand.  
  
"I'll cut myself, and ill die here bleeding to death," he muttered sorely to himself.  
  
"You will not, don't be stupid. Here your gonna be here all day, let me do it" snapped Draco impatiently. And before Harry could object he had snatche4d the razor out of his hand and knelt beside and started to slowly drag the razor up his calve.  
  
Harry gave a yelp of surprise. Draco Malfoy beside him with a razor was not a pleasant thought but the fact that Draco malfoy was being so very gently nearly. . . tender just completely finished him.  
  
"Stay still Potter, you'll end up cutting half your leg off," muttered Draco.  
  
Harry looked down horrified as he felt the tentive and smooth strokes move high on his leg.  
  
Draco hand moved to his thigh for grip his eyes staying intently on the task at hand.  
  
Harry was having an inward fit.  
  
"There we go!" cried Draco suddenly and splashing some water over it rinsed the remaining foam off "smoothy smoothy smooth!"  
  
Harry glances down and was shocked to see his pale but toned leg staring back at him. With Dracos hand still on his thigh.  
  
"Whoa!" exclaimed Harry quickly yanking his leg from Malfoy's grip "that's uh . . .pretty. . . wow".  
  
"Next one" smirked Draco looking up at him from under heavily made up eyes.  
  
Sighing Harry raised his other leg and waited while the swift smooth strokes of the razor went up his leg. The things I do he muttered. Suppressing the shiver that ran through him as Draco's hand shifted higher on his leg.  
  
Big Joe looked up and smiled. His two latest buyers stood before him one again looking highly amused the other looking highly miffed.  
  
This time the amused blonde came up to him with a pile of clothing, feather boas, boots and various articles of make-up.  
  
"Ring 'em up Sir" he smiled, but Big Joe only saw a slim, tall, blonde girl with quite a pronounced cleavage wearing a black corset, with a black see through thing over that and a chain mail skirt. A belt of gold plates ran around her waist and on her feet she wore a pair of thigh high spike heels.  
  
The dark haired one now came up looking miffed.  
  
"Yeah, ring 'em up" he sighed. Draco had selected a curly wig for Harry, and while the idea didn't sound good to Harry the over all effect was quite pleasing. The wig was fine and short, tight little curls drifted around Harry's pale sphinx like face. Rouge expertly applied by Draco highlighted his cheekbones. Dark shadow had been dusted over his eyes.  
  
He wore a short white frilly skirt (from the Little Bo Peep line) patent white leather knee high boots and a black corset too. He felt ridiculous.  
  
"Of course" smiled Big Joe and rang the items up.  
  
Draco looked lazily out the window; it suddenly occurred to him they had no means of transport.  
  
"Hey Mister, you have a car?" he asked.  
  
"Sure do"  
  
"You wouldn't be willing to . . . sell it would you?" asked Draco carefully.  
  
Big Joe looked up. This pair quite obviously had money, it wasn't his job to ask where they'd got it but they had it and right now his missus was nagging him about bringing home to bread . . . a quick sale might be the end of that.  
  
"How much for good Sir?" he asked.  
  
Draco looked into his newly purchased handbag and smiled.  
  
"Quarter of a million, and its Madam, please".  
  
10 minutes later Harry and Draco sat in the red dusty Honda convertible with its moth-eaten seats and rickety windshield. There items in the back, Draco sat behind the wheel. Harry beside him a pair of dark sunglasses finishing his look. The sped down the freeway, fake hair blowing in the wind.  
  
Big Joe looked after them; in his hand he held the check that the blonde had given him. He refused to take that much cash all at once as robberies were not unheard of. He looked at it and smiled. Written on it were the two signatures.  
  
Foxy Franchesca and Chi Chi Malone.  
  
There you go! Iv updated!!! Yay me! Review review review! Thank you all!  
  
Queen. 


	4. Foxy and Chi Chi

Disclaimer: Yep yep. I own nothing.  
  
A/N: Wow! I am sooo trilled with all my reviews! This is the stuff people are afraid to write about?! Thank you so much all! Any and all ideas are welcome and my only request is that you continue to enjoy it as much as you are! Tally Ho!  
  
Foxy and Chi Chi by Queen.  
  
"Chi Chi Malone?!" exclaimed Harry as they sped along a wide dusty freeway "are you serious?!"  
  
"What? Well its not like you can go around calling yourself "Harry" is it? I mean look at you" smirked Draco a.k.a Foxy.  
  
"But . . ."Chi Chi" " moaned Harry, "I mean it even makes me want to get sick!"  
  
"Oh shut up, you look good now hush" dismissed Draco, "now, you say were heading for those friends of yours yes?"  
  
"Yeah" replied Harry dully; the thought of confronting Ron like this was not appealing.  
  
"Well . . .it would be helpful you know if you could tell me where they actually live!" said Draco candidly.  
  
Harry thought for a second. It occurred to him he actually had no real idea where Hermione lived, in all there years of being friends it had never really come up and as for Ron he wasn't even sure if they could get to him from the muggle world.  
  
Draco gave him a sideways glance.  
  
"You don't know do you?"  
  
"I do! . . . Kinda" protested Harry "Ron . . .he lives in The Burrow . . . but I don't know how to get there from uh . . . here".  
  
Draco rolled his darkly lined eyes.  
  
"Honestly Potter! What are you like?" he scolded, long fingers drumming lightly on the steering wheel along to Sophie Ellis Bextor's "Murder on the dance floor".  
  
Harry simply shot him a look.  
  
The large sleek black Bentley slid down the road and pulled up smoothly beside the shop marked "BIG JOES COSTUMES".  
  
"This it?" asked Voldermort over his shoulder into the back seat of the car where a very disgruntled and flustered looking Lucius sat, knees up to his chin, a broom stick poking him in the ribs and another one where the sun don't shine.  
  
Beside him Narcissa looked behind her and sniggered into her hanky.  
  
Cheers thought Lucius.  
  
"Yes, Sir, this is it. I saw it in the vision".  
  
"Yeah yeah, I didn't ask for your life story" dismissed Voldermort with a wave of his hand "Now, shall we?"  
  
The two in the front slide out, Voldermort classily taking Narcissa's hand and helping her out of the car.  
  
Lucius sat crushed in the back seat watching mutinously.  
  
"Ehem!"  
  
"What? Oh Lucius will you hurry up! Those things won't carry themselves" tutted Voldermort.  
  
Die thought Lucius, die die die.  
  
20 minutes later he emerged from the back seat carrying the ridiculously giant cage, which he (quite resourcefully he thought) had stuffed with all the other crap. Voldermort and Narcissa stood waiting on the sidewalk looking decidedly bored. Narcissa was filing her nails.  
  
Now where had she got a nail file asked Lucius to himself?  
  
"Took your sweet time didn't you?" sniffed Voldemort.  
  
Narcissa looked up for once forgetting about her perfect nails.  
  
"Lu, we don't really want to go up to the shop . . . so we figured you would, you know, just to see what it is" she said as if this was such a simple task that he would be stupid to refuse it.  
  
Lucius' eyes goggled. "So what did I take all this stuff out for"? He cried gesturing with his head to the pile of stuff that he now held.  
  
Narcissa looked at him as if he was completely thick.  
  
"So you could get out," she said as if speaking to the very slow.  
  
Die die die die die die.  
  
Harry peered out from behind his "movie specks" as Draco had taken to calling them. It was safe to say that they were both quite lost.  
  
Draco who had never been in the muggle world for more then 5 minutes and that was when his father had shown it to him and told him "this is it, whole lot of nothing, don't be afraid to blow it up someday". In fact it amazed (and slightly disconcerted) him that Draco could drive at all. And he who, he had to admit had never really strayed further then his neighbourhood borderlines. And now here they were, speeding through a freeway where they were the only car on it and surrounded by dusty mountains on all sides.  
  
Oh yeah, he was sure Hermione lived around here somewhere, along with Bigfoot and Godzilla.  
  
Draco suddenly sat up straight and started pointing excitedly at a signpost that towered over them. Thus causing the dodgy car to swerve nearly making Harry lose his happnin' wig.  
  
"Gah! What what what? Malfoy watch out!" shrieked Harry grabbing at his head as the car made a nosedive into the side of one of the many mountains.  
  
A sharp * thunk * jerked both of them backwards into their seats as the car struck gold. Or indeed mountain, as was the case.  
  
A stunned silence followed this latest development.  
  
"Wow" breathed Draco blowing a wisp of escaped fake hair from his face.  
  
Harry turned stiffly to stare at him.  
  
"What the hell!" he shrieked "You could have gotten us killed!"  
  
"But I didn't! And that my little friend is what counts" grinned Draco leaping up out of the car.  
  
"But but but . . . " protested Harry shaking like a leaf "it was irresponsibly dangerous!"  
  
"But an adrenaline rush no?" grinned Draco, who now stood in front of the car inspecting the hood.  
  
Harry just sent him a death glare.  
  
"Is there any damage?" sighed Harry sinking back into the seat.  
  
"Hmmm . . .well, with my zero years of car study and my millions of no degrees in car structure, I would have to say, I don't have a fecking clue" concluded Draco.  
  
Harry groaned and sighed.  
  
"Ok, get back in, start it up and see how it goes" he suggested. Draco promptly scampered back in and started the engine.  
  
A large shot of smoke burst up from the hood of the car causing them both to yelp with fright.  
  
"Em, going on a hunch here, but id say there may be some damage" interjected Draco. Harry looked at him. Well duh.  
  
"What the hell did you see anyway that made you do a Thelma and Louise?" asked Harry waving away the smoke that was blowing up from the hood of the car.  
  
"Oh!" cried Draco joyfully "that!" he pointed over at the large signpost that read "Prettyville Range, 2 miles".  
  
Harry raised an eyebrow and looked at Draco.  
  
"A town silly!" prompted Draco.  
  
"Uh huh, and were going to need one now! This needs a garage to fix it," muttered Harry.  
  
Draco dismissed this with a wave of his hand.  
  
"Well, whatever it needs, id say we'll just have to wait here till we can catch a ride" supplied Draco, "Id say one will come along soon"  
  
Visions of the constantly empty freeway filled Harry's head. Oh shoot me now he though.  
  
Draco had now settled himself happily in the drivers seat and was twiddling the little knobs of the radio. Apparently however much the car wasn't working the radio still was. Pink's "Just like a pill" soon filled the air around them.  
  
It was early afternoon. A Tumbleweed drifted by.  
  
Wow thought Harry, this is how am going die. Outside Draco now sat on the hood of the car, long legs dangling, singing along to the radio and calling to the various birds that decided to show up in the sky.  
  
Several miles away Narcissa and Voldermort peered through the dusty windows of Big Joes shop and watched as Lucius bravely ventured inside.  
  
"Should he tell them he a muggle?" whispered Narcissa to Voldermort. In the ways of muggles and their shops she was not as up to scratch as her darling son.  
  
"No no" hissed Voldermort back "its been discovered that muggles do not take kindly to being called ah, muggles, and find it extremely perplexing and strange if someone goes around calling themselves one".  
  
"Ah" nodded Narcissa. It all made so much sense, "Should he tell them he's a wizard?"  
  
Voldermort considered this for a second.  
  
"No, that would also be bad, again muggles are small, they have small brains, they would simply think him a "loony" and put him somewhere called "the loony bin", I read about it once".  
  
Narcissa nodded again and looked adoringly at Voldermort, so full of wisdom.  
  
Inside the shop Lucius looked around curiously. * This * is where his was? Good god, What was he doing here? Cross-dressing? Well considering everything, probably, yes.  
  
"Hell-o there good master, and what can I do for you?" cried Big Joe from the back as his came striding over to the supremely disconcerted Lucius.  
  
"Uh, ah, I was hoping you could . . . tell me if you'd seen two um . . . boys today?" asked Lucius. Wow he thought, I sound like a paedophile.  
  
Big Joe looked curiously at him.  
  
"Well, yes I did, well, iv seen a lot of boys today, you know, this being a costume shop and all . . . " he finished.  
  
Lucius nodded and then they both just stood there, staring at each other for about a million years. Outside a sharp tap on the glass indicated that The Dark Lord was getting a cramp in his butt and wanted Lucius to hurry up.  
  
Oh shut up, thought Lucius, What the bloody hell am I meant to say to him. At that moment it occurred to him that the short little man in front of him was eyeing him up and down.  
  
"Eh, excuse me?" asked Lucius awkwardly.  
  
"Oh, I beg your pardon sir, I was just thinking that I have just the thing to suit you . . . that is if your interested" grinned Joe, the salesman in him coming out.  
  
Lucius looked doubtfully around the shop, what was here that would suit him he didn't know.  
  
Outside a sharp tap sounded again, getting more impatient. Narcissa must now also have a cramp in her butt. Honestly.  
  
Suddenly Lucius felt like rebelling. Who were they to tell * him * to hurry up? Why *couldn't * he stay here to try on strange clothes with this strange little man? Why couldn't he?  
  
"Ok" he said smiling that winning smile of his, and looking at the nametag on the man chest pocket said " Ok Joe, hit me with what ya got".  
  
Outside Narcissa stamped her foot angrily.  
  
"What's he doing in there?!" she cried.  
  
Beside her Voldermort peered through the glass.  
  
"It would appear . . . he's trying on . . . a pair of trousers . . . " he said sounding more and more surprised.  
  
Narcissa instantly hunched down beside him peering through the dusty glass too.  
  
Lucius Malfoy stepped out of the changing room that not so long ago had nearly housed his dear son, in a dazzling pair of black leather trousers. A silver chain fell down from his hip, catching the light. On his feet Big Joe had supplied him with a pair of elegant high-heeled black boots.  
  
Wow he thought as he looked at himself in the mirror. I look damn good!  
  
"Thought you might like this sir, goes with your skin" smiled Joe from behind him.  
  
In his hand he held a black silk shirt with a high collar and low-neck line, it was from the Dracula line and had tiny silver skulls as buttons.  
  
5 minutes later Lucius emerged again now wearing the beautiful shirt. He looked stunning. To complete the outfit Joe supplied him with a hip length velvet cloak with dark red lining. A silver medallion of a snake's head hung at his chest. A silver topped walking stick from the Jack The Ripper line rested lightly in his hand. He looked every inch the mysterious gentleman who sleeps in a coffin.  
  
Big Joe stood back to admire his handiwork.  
  
"Ah lad, you look fine, just fine" he sniffed, tears welling up in his eyes.  
  
Lucius smiled graciously. He felt good. Really good!  
  
On his way out he left a handsome sum of money for Big Joe and stopped to sign the guest book. Above his signature were the two names of Foxy Franchesca and Chi Chi Malone.  
  
Lucius peered at these for a second, the first signature was done splendidly the second however looked as if the person had had trouble writing it, as a small struggle with the pen had resulted in a small tear in the page, then it appeared that the first one had taken the pen and done the signature herself. The message they wrote was:  
  
Dear Joe, thanks for the help, ill always know what to do now if I want to look a little more *busty *! " Chi chi" says thank you too. All the best, I hope you will get many good looking boys throwing themselves on their knees in front of you. All the best,  
  
Foxy.  
  
Huh thought Lucius, what was this guy? A pimp? Quickly he scribbled his name thanked Big Joe again and waltzed outside.  
  
Narcissa leapt to her feet quickly followed by an older and therefore stiffer Voldermort.  
  
"Where have you been? We've been waiting here for God knows how long! This is some chee-" she stopped mid-sentence as she saw her husband. Lucius stood there before her looking like Dracula himself, and absolutely stunning. His newly acquired walking stick tapped the pavement lightly as he flashed her a bright smile. Her eyes goggled as she took in this vision that was her husband. The man who had been stuffed in the backseat of the car with a broomstick up his rectum.  
  
Beside her Voldermort simply stared, jaw hanging open.  
  
"Lucius – " he began and then stopped. What could he say? That he liked the trousers? Hell yeah! Did he ever like those trousers! But he held his tongue.  
  
Lucius smiled generously at both of them.  
  
"Shall we?" he said indicating to the car. Behind him they both nodded dumbly.  
  
"I'll drive" he said smoothly and dipped into the drivers seat. Again both of them behind him nodded dumbly.  
  
Smiling to himself Lucius donned a pair of dark glasses, gunned the engine and sped off in the same direction as Draco and Harry had. Haha! He thought, life is goooood!  
  
Sitting in the backseat Narcissa and Voldermort simply stared goggle eyes at him. Two broom sticks sticking up their rectums.  
  
___________________________________________-  
  
6 hours later and Harry and Draco were considering catching, skinning and eating one of the bloody birds that never seemed to shut up!  
  
Not a car had passed in 6 bloody hours. As Draco said, its like were just meant to be alone together. At that Harry had moved himself into the backseat of the car with the rest of their clothes and built himself a fort of sorts.  
  
Draco remained sitti8ng on the hood watching for approaching cars.  
  
Harry was suddenly jerked awake like a livid earwig by Draco's ecstatic cries of "A car! I see a car! A car!"  
  
Urgh, finally, thought Harry and sat up to see the approaching lights of a car.  
  
Draco promptly started dancing on the hood of the car and waving his hand frantically. It slowed down as it approached them.  
  
____________________________________________-  
  
I think I'll leave that there for you now! Hope you enjoyed it this time too! Remember the golden rule! Review review review review! Thank you all kindly! Beautiful people!  
  
~Queen~ 


	5. ARGH! Rape!

Disclaimer: Nope, nothing.  
  
A/N: And the saga continues! I hope your all enjoying this! That's it really. Enjoy!  
  
ARGH! Rape! By Queen.  
  
Lucius sat crusein' in HIS slick car. Blonde hair flying, dark glasses donned, minions in the back! Yeah baby yeah!  
  
Behind him Narcissa and The Dark Lord sat scrunched together looking worse for wear. Lucius would insist on all the items they had been journeying with so far to be crammed in along side them. .  
  
"Say. . . Lu. . . . would you like some company up there? In . . . the front?" asked Narcissa meekly from the back.  
  
"Eh. . . .No!" replied Lucius looking trilled.  
  
Narcissa slumped back, she was not one to take rejection lightly, in her humble opinion only her husband was good for that, but he had currently turned into a sex god so it was just plain stupid to think of rejecting him now!  
  
Lucius sat happily in the front drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. So like his son. Suddenly from the background he heard a muffled grunt followed by an indignant "OW!"  
  
Peering into the mirror he was in time to see Narcissa's head come through the space between the seat quickly followed by her torso and lower body. Behind her in the back seat Voldermort was nursing a black eye where her heel had kicked him. She was in fact climbing through the space between the chairs grinning in what she must have thought was a friendly and happy manner. She looked like a maniac.  
  
"Gah! What are you doing?!?!" cried Lucius turning desperately to see what his maniac wife was doing now. And very quickly turned back as the car took a dodgy swerve into a truck.  
  
"Don't worry Lulu, am just gonna come up there to join you!" smiled Narcissa.  
  
Behind them Lucius head the muffled laughter and Voldermort muttering "Ha! 'Lulu'".  
  
Oh for piss sake did it never end!  
  
Keeping one hand on the steering wheel (for whatever good that was going to do) and glancing back every so often in agitation Lucius started trying to bat his beloved wife back into the backseat.  
  
"Narcissa! You cant . . . urgh!. . .get back. . . you can't do this!" He cried trying in vain to keep at least one eye on the road and bat his wife back. "I'll get pulled over! Ill get a point on my licence!"  
  
At this both Narcissa and Voldermort paused to stare at him.  
  
"You know, when in Rome" shrugged Lucius.  
  
"Lulu, stop . . ow!. . . stop that. . . honey its ok am just coming to. . . ow! Keep you company . . . you and those new pants of yours deserve some female company! . . . OW!"  
  
Oh what fresh hell moaned Lucius to himself, if she wasn't embarrassing him before their Dark Lord and Master she was clinging onto him like a wet limpet.  
  
At this point Narcissa seemed to have got stuck half way. Her legs kicked in the back once again catching the dark Lord on his other eye.  
  
Swerving to miss a little red car Lucius groaned as beside him Narcissa wriggled fretfully and yanked his arm trying to pull herself free.  
  
This should not be done on a normal road, and specially not on a highway. Which is where they now were.  
  
Having successfully grabbed and hung onto his driving arm Narcissa now set about yanking herself free, using his arm as leverage.  
  
"Let go!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Let go!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
At that point a truck the sizes of a small whale veered pass them honking loudly.  
  
"ARGGGGGGGHHHHH!" The three-o screamed loudly as they were enveloped in the gigantic trucks shadow and blasting horn.  
  
It passed on ahead leaving a severely shaken Lucius a near dead Dark lord and a still stuck but now shrieking Narcissa.  
  
"Narcissa get back!" yelled Lucius.  
  
"NO!"  
  
"I'LL SCREAM!"  
  
"Scream what?"  
  
"Uh. . .RAPE!"  
  
She didn't expect that, who could? Grinning Lucius looked pointly at her.  
  
As they were now drawing up to a family car full of little blonde haired kiddy-winks she glowered at him and wriggling, tried to get back to the other end of the car.  
  
"Wanker!"  
  
" Argh! RAAAAPPPPPPPEEEEEE!"  
  
The windows were of course open and Lucius' loud voice rang out true and clear.  
  
Five surprised and horrified faces (it could have been either) turned to stare at the strange company of this black Bentley.  
  
The mother who seemed to be abit on the peeky side peered out at them as if not sure what she was seeing.  
  
"Alan. . . is there a guy out there screaming rape?" she asked blearily.  
  
The father who seemed to be two miles from a nervous break down gripped the steering wheel like life itself.  
  
"Mary for the last time! Don't look out ok! It just makes you sick! Just look straight ahead! Straight ahead!"  
  
Now tired of their antics and laughing at the unfortunate family Lucius made a sharp turn bringing them down a intersection that had found its way onto the swarming freeway,  
  
A loud * thunk * in the back signalled the Dark Lord and his dear wife Narcissa falling back against the side of the car. This was followed by an indignant "ow!"  
  
Yeesh, thought Lucius, give them and inch and they take a foot. Whether this thought was aimed at his dear son or the company in the backseat remains to be seen.  
  
Speeding down the now very quite and somewhat dusty road Lucius took in his surroundings.  
  
Mountain, mountain, tumbleweed, road kill, mountain, road kill, tumbleweed, broken down vehicle with scantily clad female gesturing for assistance, road kill . . . wait.  
  
Slowing down he peered out at the strange spectacle that had appeared on the side of the road.  
  
It appeared a pair of girls had driven a car into the nearby mountain. One, a eye catching blonde was now leaping around in -well Lucius didn't know what to call it, some kind of outfit- signalling for help. A darker haired girl sat looking dubiously at the other girl's antics. She said something, which caused the blonde to stamp her foot, say a few loudly gestured words and give her to finger.  
  
Huh.  
  
"Say, Nar, Volde, you wouldn't mind if we stopped and picked up some random hitchhikers would you"?  
  
This was greeted with general mumbling and shrugging.  
  
"Why bother Lu," mused Narcissa and peering out the car window to look ahead at the duo, " they look like some kind of hooker anyway".  
  
At this Voldemort, looked up peering at the frantic figure of Draco dancing about.  
  
"Lucius! I demand you pick up those hitchhikers!"  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
Narcissa settled back in the backseat grumbling.  
  
Harry squinted at the black car that was slowly pulling up beside them.  
  
"You sure this is a good idea? I mean. . . weren't you ever told not to take lifts of strangers?" he asked delicately, already he ha earned himself a verbal beating and the finger from Draco for saying he looks like a string bean getting random electric shocks.  
  
"Silence!" Draco snapped, then turning smiling he added, "What's the worst that could happen?"  
  
Lucius pulled up beside the pair, they certainly looked . . . extraordinary. Well, all would be revealed in time. Behind the Dark Lord was peering out trying to see them and Narcissa was rambling on about hormones and "thick headed males". _______________________________________________________________  
  
Draco and Harry stood before the car door and watched as the window (which had previously been pulled up due to Narcissa's request for the safety of her hair) and watched as the tinted window slide mysteriously down.  
  
Draco watched and suddenly, he felt, the tightening of his heart, the trembling in his legs. The symptoms that only his father could inspire in him.  
  
Oh God.  
  
It hit him before it hit Harry, the realisation.  
  
Oh God no.  
  
The bleach blonde hair, the cold blue eyes, now filled (horribly) with something resembling lustful interest.  
  
Oh sweet Jesus no.  
  
"Hello there, may we be of service?" asked the silky voice of Lucius Malfoy.  
  
"OH GOD NO!" screamed Draco.  
  
This was met with silence from the car and raised eyebrows from the driver. Beside him Harry had taken to trembling like a leaf on a string, a leaf that had just hit stormy weather.  
  
Brilliant thought Draco frantically, I really need the stupid little pounce and he goes jelloid on me!  
  
"Uh. . . " Lucius looked out at them, seeing nothing but two strange looking girls, one of whom had just screamed out "Oh God no!" for no reason he could see and the other who just seemed to stand there and shake. Very strange.  
  
He doesn't know! He doesn't see! A little voice in Draco's mind screamed. He thinks your two girls!  
  
"Oh!, I . . . oh, yes!" burst out Draco. What else could he say?  
  
Beside him Harry made a low moaning noise and promptly fell over.  
  
Quickly Draco slid a arm around him and held him upright. No no no no no no, this cannot be happening!  
  
"We. . . would!" he cried out loudly, his voice ringing with fear. Beside him Harry quite literally hung there eye huge legs useless. Draco's arms strained as he felt Harry's legs give way. Don't drop him don't drop him don't drop him!  
  
Now Lucius just looked confused and slightly off-put.  
  
"Would. . . what?" he asked cautiously eyeing up Harrys fainted state confusedly. Clearly having second thoughts about deciding to pick up random hitchhikers in short skirts. As one seemed completely out of it and in the process of falling over, the other one a maniac who was looking at him with what only be called controlled fear. Very very strange.  
  
"Oh!. . . we would like your services! Please!" choked out Draco frantically. His own legs at this point were giving away and he felt his cheek twitch involuntarily. Oh god.  
  
"Oh! Good! Well, hop on in!" beamed Lucius recovering himself a little.  
  
"Ho kay" squeaked Draco and Harry exchanging horrified looks.  
  
Beneath their taffeta skirts their legs were shaking like milk bottles.  
  
Cliff-hanger no? REVIEW! Thank you! I bid you farewell! 


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